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When the future gets in the way of today

June 19, 2020

The teacher instructed us to soften our gaze and look around the room stopping on whatever caught our attention. Notice your experience and then continue scanning the room. My eyes stopped on the brick hearth. I then moved to the right and settled on a blank wall above waist level. I noted the level because my gaze was avoiding the plywood sheets tilted against the wall, the couple of floor lamps, three rugs, the packaging for the rugs, and the packing blankets resting on the woodstove.

The nicest description is this is unfinished space. What it is, is another spot of a plan half executed. Other places in the basement are neatly organized piles of plans half executed. I have shelves and a table to my right that I won’t turn to view because they hold files I need to review and discard some.

So, what is there to do when there are so many incompletions? To my credit I have been making progress. The meditation exercise was useful as it brought my way of living back into focus. This corner of the basement is destined to be my entertainment, relaxation, reading space. Once completed this would shift from being a distraction and burden into a safe haven to retreat at the end of the day. The “What” that is in the way of completion is my decision-making strategy.

I want to make decision which are efficient and smart with no compromise. Don’t get into, but Lea you are living amongst piles of incompletions. So, what do you mean “no compromise?” It sure looks like there is a lot of that going on here. Is this familiar to you? The criteria for the final decision are having me live a life different from one aligned to my stated strategy? In my case, I envision making the selection for this space that will make me happy forever, never having to revisit this corner. That is an enormous objective. In fact, it is unreasonable, unattainable, it is foolish for me to think I could possibly achieve this objective. I expect my current condo to be a temporary home, not my forever. I am living in clutter because I want to make a once in a lifetime decision. Does anyone see the irony?

This meditation exercise has opened my eyes to the wrong-mindedness of my decision strategy. I am changing this strategy to pick the best option for the Now and will change again when I am ready. What decisions are you using to dodge moving forward? Focus on those that have you cluttering your mind or living space. These are costing you energy and vitality. Live the life you love today, not the life that has you waiting for the life you will love tomorrow.